drunk elephants and paris

this is the first sentence of an associated press article:

Paris Hilton is being praised by conservationists for highlighting the problem of binge-drinking elephants in northeastern India.

i think i may speak from the heart here, as this is an honest, shirtsleeve-wearing, god-fearing blog. drunk elephants are absolutely the single most important concern in india at the moment. during my time over there this summer the number of drunk elephants i encountered far outnumbered the rail-thin homeless, starving people i saw. as a matter of fact, one pissed elephant stole all the liquor i had on my person, leaving me none to give to the poor indians. i love paris.