now i'm gold

while hanging upside down recently in an attempt to dorian-ize myself against any further aging a thought occurred to me.  am i actually, despite my desperate longing for something more, happy at present?  on first analysis i couldn’t remember the last time i’d clapped and that obviously sways toward the negative.  i mean, my ruddy cheeks surely were more a product of being inverted than my humor.  however i soon recalled listening to rilo kiley’s “silver lining” recently and it’s sign of a cold black soul to not clap along to that.  and of course my nightly “private eyes” dance-along also contradicts my initial thought.  i suppose subconsciously i could be happy.

i still, however, long for more.

you breathe and eat and grow. And that is how you know

hear muffled sounds in the distance.  it’s always the ears first.  feel a slight breeze on your bare neck.  your hairs dance like they just don’t care.  open your eyes a crack.  take note of the blurry silhouettes around.  they will be sharp in time.  run your tongue over the adhesive on the roof of your mouth and wince briefly.  open your mouth.  take a deep breath.  leave no air in the room.  exhale.  you’re the victim.