now i'm gold

while hanging upside down recently in an attempt to dorian-ize myself against any further aging a thought occurred to me.  am i actually, despite my desperate longing for something more, happy at present?  on first analysis i couldn’t remember the last time i’d clapped and that obviously sways toward the negative.  i mean, my ruddy cheeks surely were more a product of being inverted than my humor.  however i soon recalled listening to rilo kiley’s “silver lining” recently and it’s sign of a cold black soul to not clap along to that.  and of course my nightly “private eyes” dance-along also contradicts my initial thought.  i suppose subconsciously i could be happy.

i still, however, long for more.