lost

last night was spend wandering through space, feeling like words or even a touch have to be twice as forceful to register.  in no particular order:

talk to some girl and boy at a bar as fireworks crack in the distance.  the girl knows several people i know through strange coincidences.  the boy plays soul coughing’s “circles” on the electronic jukebox.  debate with myself whether it would be better if it were actually the year two thousand four.  if it were i certainly wouldn’t feel like a boy scout without a compass.

pass two men in a parking lot and they tell my friend and me that we look like cops.  i get irrationally angry at this.  eventually i let it go without arresting them.

find myself in what is obviously a dive bar that for some reason has obscenely loud current pop music being played by a d.j. so out of place that he may as well have been spinning at a funeral.  even for this city it is a new low for the attractiveness of the patrons.  women either too heavy or too old dance poorly and eye my friend and me.  we leave quickly.

early morning on a deck.  sol beer and carnival popcorn from a blue plastic bag.  girls come and go between this house and another.  eventually i follow one to the other place and find it full of high school boys who are friends of one of the girls’ younger brother.  they are playing unlistenable music and microwaving food.  i stay for as long as i can stand it then leave, thinking to myself that happiness is elusive.  and relative.