sine waves

it is truly spring when your spirit lifts from home to work simply because the sun roof was open on your car. black and chilly winter make this welcome change that much sweeter. people that feel this way who live in the north are all a little sadistic, myself included. i suppose that is the reason why i abstain from whiskey for weeks just to then taste it’s sweetness and have it be slightly better than i remember it. because the only thing better than experiencing something for the first time is being denied it after having known it, and then having it once again.

bullets and bananas

today's locker room experience involved a man in the third trimester of his expected life, fully nude, eating a banana on a stool. i wondered if this represented a change in priorities over time for the old man, or simply an inbred derangement of sorts. it doesn't matter really. ultimately, i tend to be most concerned about myself. i decided to kill him, right then and there. unfortunately, i also decided against any physical contact. with nothing to fire or throw at the disgusting being sitting in front of me with his banana, i simply walked out into the gym. isn't that how it always is?

diana prince

this article about girls going wild caught my attention for a couple seconds. it makes points such as alcohol is more of an excuse for young women to do stupid and fun things that wouldn’t normally fly, rather than some sort of metaphorical gun at their head forcing them to strip in public. this “implies that the problem with engaging in public sex on vacation is that they’d be [doing] more of it at home if only they were brave enough.” so, women, what have you to say for yourselves?

the following gem follows the explaination that with more opportunities for women to act out and be free (feminism) a “social toxicity” (materialism, etc.) is also being created.

Young women today are like superheroes in the first pages of the comic book, blessed with incredible powers and not yet aware of the responsibilities that come with them.

so this begs the question, ‘why can’t i find a girl with a magic lasso?’ i’m almost certain we’d hit it off. if you’re out there, please lasso my heart.

falling from grace, terminally speaking

not to be critical, but...

were the good people charged with running duke's daily operations aware that they would be trading a national basketball championship for a rape scandal? this turn of events seems to highlight a turning point in a little battle i like to refer to as duke university vs. the city of durham. in this epic sociological matchup, it appears as though the city has begun to infiltrate the minds of its enemy. soon, it will again be considered cool and mentionable to simply purchase your coke directly from the local dealer. all on campus, trust-funded entrepreneurs need not apply.

and, you know what...long live durham. why the hell not, right?

mo' novels mo' problems

i suppose pouring oneself into his work can be explained by one of two things: finding work more interesting than anything else or finding whatever alternative there is more objectionable. so, um, there’s this novel sitting at my house, and it’s north-north reaction to me is keeping me at the office. the book is not poorly written or unentertaining, i think it’s just the wrong time for us. even if i brazenly watch music videos this book sits there and stares at me. and i can’t read two books at a time, so it’s either give up or read it. although this problem is allowing me to quickly climb the corporate ladder it is vexing nonetheless. i am preparing for another battle of wills tonight until house can save me.

my direction is unclear

here is a blurry picture from nada surf's saturday set at waterloo records in austin. if you weren't at south by southwest then picture, if you will, the whole festival looking like this. and, near the end of each night, imagine actually being able to see the notes bands were playing. blurrily.

reebok killing more than style

this article about the recall of deadly gift bracelets is yet another reason why i no longer purchase reebok shoes. first they made the retail price of their “pump” sneakers an outrageous three digits back in 1990 (result: no pumps for little t.price) and now they are poisoning children. with an amount of incompetence not seen since… well… katrina (nagin what?). this quote from the article is pretty ridiculous

"Laboratory analysis of the charm from the child indicated it contained 99 percent lead," the department said in a statement; the safety threshold for lead content in jewelry is 0.06 percent.

this kind of execution must have also been responsible for reebok losing all the market share they gained with the pump sneakers to nike. i bet whoever designed the bracelets is considering pulling an orlando bloom from elizabethtown.

\/ \/\/

a significant portion of the trip to austin last week was spent reciting lines from volkswagen’s new GTI commercial campaign. the series of spots are by far the funniest current ads and up near the top for the twenty first century. the scientist is peter stormare, a swedish actor who has been in, among other things, constantine, the big lebowski, and a seinfeld episode. his manner of speaking can only be described as ebonic german-accented english, which i hear is getting big in berlin. also genius is the v-dub gang sign he flashes, which i have already started using shamelessly in conversation. german engineering in tha haus, yah.

florida: fun in the sun or educational powerhouse?

this is exactly why districts shouldn’t put horny twenty-four year old teachers in classrooms with mature fourteen year old students. lord knows what even my middle-aged eighth grade english teacher was doing with my yearbook picture at night. but fear not, this may all have been planned for lafave according to this gem from the article

“I am a strong Christian woman," she said. "I believe that God has a path for me, and this was just a bump in the road.

a sexy, bipolar, illegal, christian bump.

now north by northeast. of south by southwest.

memorable, less calendar-specific memories of sxsw...

involving music always works. i've never seen more people in less space produce less alcohol-related incidents. the bands gave everyone something to focus on, look forward to, gravitate towards. this is not something that can be fabricated.

i am now a believer that one hour is enough. mood is established. crowds are captivated. as people on the floor, we're convinced that our actions drive the show. yelling out song names, varying attempts at harmonizing with those on stage...these actions are results. the catalyst resides beneath strings, white keys, bass pedals, and the vocals of those most equipped to offer up their talents. i bought nada surf's daniel lorca a beer on a night following their show...i owed him and the members of so many other bands much more than that.

it was a good weekend for bands that kept membership to a minimum. the subways, mates of state, two gallants, nada surf...there were others, and each managed to impress beyond my own expectations, without crowding the stage. it is possible to create goodness with less than four people. specific highlights are too great in number to elaborate on. i will only say that they each had a place in solidifying my general level of elation.

there is considerably more to say. for now, this is enough. your satisfaction is a relative term, after all.

SXSW saturday roundup

the saturday showers, though a blessing to the wildfire regions of texas, were less well received by austin's residents. they did quit for blocks of time, however, and more stellar lineups served to un-dampen spirits. daniel from nada surf told i am not victor ward at stubb's on friday that they were playing an acoustic set at waterloo records around three in the afternoon. thus, our first stop was a crowded record store where drinking was permitted and paying for merchandise was optional (not really). after the first two songs matthew said that he'd take requests, but i really think he had songs in mind and clearly picked whatever he wanted whether shouted aloud or not. they played mostly songs from let go and the weight is a gift like thursday, but changed up some songs so it wasn't identical. the highlight was their closing piece, an extended version of the "kitty" song complete with purring and mewing (although daniel translating "fruit fly" into french while matthew played was the runner up moment).

next it was on to catch up on drinking (somehow we were behind at 3:30pm). we stopped in a few bars while walking down 6th street, and eventually afternoon changed into evening. we arrived early at la zona rosa for the stills show at ten. a band from new york city, california (or something like that), augustana, played well opening up. next morningwood took the stage with a vendetta against silence. their commanding singer made the mediocre set enjoyable, as only someone wearing a holster for her mic can do. then the stills took the stage and rocked in their good-looking, charming manner. they played five new songs and three old ones. from what i recall of the new, they were very good but seemed lighter, a different kind of sound than logic will break your heart. when the bass drum started up for lola i think i was the happiest i'd been all weekend. of course, i was partial to the songs i know and love and that one is tattooed on my gray matter.

after that we left for fox and hound, an outdoor venue boasting she wants revenge and we are scientists. after getting passed over for wrisbanded people we were finally let in (as far as the wristband issue, we generally found they weren't needed but we weren't club hopping incessantly or trying to get into wristband-only clubs). she wants revenge came on in their devil-may-care manner, and the record exec standing next to us' presence assured me that they are for real. i have to say it was really great, even not knowing most of their songs. the singer is just so full of cool that it spills out of his voice very smoothly. i think if he sung about politics i'd immediately find the topic interesting. we are scientists played well but were outshined by she wants revenge, and by this time i was pretty tired. highlights include the ridiculous dollar-sign shaped necklace on the bassist.

i have more to say about some things but that ends the saturday summary. 11 hours of music, seven bands, one kitten song. and a desire to never go home.

SXSW friday roundup

i know this is a day late, but saturday was just too busy. anyway, friday night was grand in terms of sets and weather. we attended stubb's from eight until one a.m. this venue is one of the few open-air stages and the sky was a pretty orange/gray for the whole night. after two bands that i didn't recognize and didn't note as anything spectacular the subways rocked the knickers off the place. the pixie-ish bassist won everyone over after a mere thirty seconds and i can't say for sure that i'd turn her down if she asked me to marry her today. the boyish singer climbed the speaker stacks no less than four times and jumped a good fifteen feet back to the stage each time. next came metric (whose attractive singer sang a song with the stills on saturday, but i'm getting ahead of myself). their set was kind of up and down, half the time i was entranced and the remainder i found the songwriting unimpressive. of course, when i say so-so i am speaking relatively, and that means it would still beat any other non-sxsw show with a cane. the magic numbers came on with a flourish of hippie spunk. it was at this point that my friday-night-friend brian, a scottish bloke, dipped his shamrock necklace (it was st. patrick's day, dig) in his guiness ale and then licked it and gave it to me as an international peace offering. it worked, and we have a truce for the next two years.

if you were waiting for the grand finale of a snow patrol review, you may be disappointed. we left before "snoo pahtrohl", much to the dismay of brian. but, hey, we had things to do.

SXSW thursday roundup

warm weather and crowds of hipsters welcomed us into the austin area thursday afternoon. this being our first time at south by south west (and in austin) we were open to whatever would be thrown at us, but still ended up surprised by a few things. like the massive amount of american auto makers' commercials who emphasize that the cars are made "by texans" (not by illegal immigrants). but on to the shows.

we got to sixth street around 5:45 to survey the scene. already there were masses of denim and bad hair swirling about in the 75 degree weather. after consulting a few people we decided not to risk going to different places, especially since both mates of state and nada surf were playing at the parish. so we tayed there from seven until two, drinking and nodding and being used as a balance for underage drunk girls. of the six bands we saw the most pleasant surprise was two gallants. this white-stripes-esque two piece drum and guitar outfit rocked while baring it's soul. the drummer reminded me of the guy from local h, while the singer/guitarist reminded me of a higher pitched emo jack white. i highly recommend them. mates of state rocked their 40 minute set, had me and everyone else singing along like pied pipers. it was at this time that marissa, whom i'd never met before, started groping and leaning on me because i knew the words to "goods". i was sure that would come in handy some day. but alas, i think she was fourteen, so it wasn't meant to be. nada surf made me want to be a musician again, and daniel lorka brazenly lit up a cigarette in the clearly non-smoking bar during the last song "what is your secret?". a fuck you to the town elders, and a joyous endorsement for lung cancer. it was a blast.

revengers

i am really digging she wants revenge's new video for "tear you apart". more generally i like their sound. does this make me a bandwagon poser or gay? they're obviously very-influenced-by/sound-just-like joy division and they are getting spins on mtv. then again, if not them, what band should one listen to while applying makeup? adam, one half of the band, also has this to say (and since i've been anti-poser since 1999 i agree):

It's very hip now to be into new-wave and post-punk and to know what contemporary bands are influenced by Gang of Four, but Justin and I were listening to all that shit IN the 80's! And besides, when we were growing up people called us fags for listening to Madonna, Prince and The [Physchedelic] Furs... but now everybody's fronting like they always loved that shit - and I don't mean guilty pleasure, I mean play list in your iPod

syncopated jump rope rhyme

(clap clap) (clap) (clap clap) (clap)

gonna fly me down, to the south and west
gonna see me one band then see the rest
with a drink in my hand and the weight off my chest
my mistress i’m for to see

no car, no job, no face-to-face
with a handful of charm and a pinch of grace
the land she’ll warm my resting place
my mistress i’m for to see

austin. austin, massachusetts.

i spent a portion of last week disappointed.

this week's scheduled arrival in austin, already perceived to be a day late, was in danger of shortening yet another night of highly anticipated antics. all of this has changed, however, and so my spirits have adjusted accordingly. thursday is permitted to act as thursday afterall, which is good news for each and every one of us.

yes, i know friend, there is basketball to be watched and a holiday that i simply do not understand. there are other cities as well, with other attractions. something scandinavian, perhaps. but there is no place quite as grand as the location that i have allowed myself to venture to, that place in the future, which has been shaped by months of mental buildup. austin it is. pennsylvania for now, but austin soon enough.

you always travel, to many desirable places (and others less so), you may add. this is why we hear from you in such randomly distributed postings. well, yes. in this you are correct. but you're no austin. and neither are they.

we like good alcohol and great artistry for a reason. you and i. that is why we continue to meet like this.

au revoir, mon ami.

baby steps

there is nothing quite like using aerobic dumbells for resistance on bicep curls. not only are they smaller than my hand (two pound to start), they are also the most flaming, noticeable pink and purple. it was painful, grant, to be forbidden to lift any upper body for four months. but this is adding course-grain salt. i was standing next to some middle-aged lady this morning (i arrived late—seven a.m.—and the elderly were finishing up to get some lunch) who looked contemptuously at me while doing god-knows-what ab exercise on her rubber ball, as if i was mocking her weakness. videos from aha and the gap band as well as good memories from the weekend made the workout slightly less awkward. i am not sure what to expect monday when the regulars come in but i am fairly certain it won’t be good. i think i shall take my neon dumbells to the back area.

upside down frown

reasons to smile today:

1. high temperature is 64 degrees fahrenheit.
2. south by southwest, where it will hopefully be warmer than 64 degrees, is next week.
3. i may finally get to see jane bellwether this summer. sigh.
4. tommy good-times. nuff said.

conversation kills

overheard in the locker room:

jaime: …yeah, i’d really like to throw a few back with that guy
charles: he’s always got something sweet to…
jaime: did you ever party with him? you did right? last year’s christmas party? remember, i had to drive you home?
charles: ha, yeah, not too well. tommy good-times.
jaime: i heard he’ll be in town soon.
charles: want to work chest today?

i’ve noticed a startling trend that people whose surnames contain the words “good-times” or “kegger” seem to be more fun than normal people. this also happens when “fun” precedes someone’s christian name, i.e. fun bobby (whom i knew in college).

texas blazing trails again

according to the smoking gun a judge in san antonio recently footnoted a quote from billy madison on an opinion in bankruptcy court. you know, the one with “at no point in your rambling, incoherent response was there anything that could even be considered a rational thought”. this is remarkable not only for the keen insight that only adam sandler could give but also that a 58 year old man has actually seen the film. besides wondering why federal judges watch sandler films in their spare time, this also got me thinking about veronica vaughn. that same year she also played sonya blade in the classic film mortal kombat. that kind of info is essential if you want to win trivial pursuit 90s edition.

sacrilicious

another sunday morning gone, another fine block of high quality info-mercials watched. i love watching these programs as a cultural study as well as for the five easy payments of nineteen dollars and ninety-nine cents. my heart pauses for a second when they announce that the item is not available in stores, but i can eventually calm myself by remembering that this info-mercial has been running for four years and is not likely to sell out by next week. these gems offer countless glances into the eyes of the robotic-like consumer/info-mercial audience member, a rare breed whose ranks i one day aspire to join. along with writing the great american novel that is my greatest goal in life.

to barter

i could do without the sun
but it would have to be a trade

you know,
it's not really about what i can see

but rather
where i happen to be

my thoughts come
even in the dark

so perhaps a few of those
yeah, that works for me

singing along to ac newman

does anyone else say “virgin” instead of “version” while singing along to the new pornographers song “electric version”? grant that i am slightly demeneted but this seems as natural as katsup on eggs. virgins are hard enough to come by, but powerful, glowing electric ones would be just grand. and quite songworthy. they wouldn’t have to wear roman tunics and sandals but i think they would anyway. they are a mysterious fun-loving bunch. to be an electric virgin in the autumn, i think, would be quite agreeable.

fiery cold

is it possible that the better show can be experienced in your car in millvale after the band’s set has completed? of course not. but last night was the first time i considered this as i drove home. the fiery furnaces didn’t put on a bad show, but it was just less than what I’d expected. matt, who plays synth and organ on recorded tracks, played only guitar. thus the songs were arranged for guitar and the tempo was increased. this made for a more garage-y feel and much less singing along. but i got to hang out with rebecca and make (and hear) subtle comments and observations all night, which is really what live music is all about. that and the music, maybe. but after the set we hung out in my car for a f.f. song from ep and that was just as fun as anything all night.

mr. jones and me

for as long i can remember my fascination of mtv, i have always taken an inexplicable and special interest in the real world. some would argue that the majority of posts on a site such as this serve much the same purpose as this viewership, in that we all find enjoyment in the observation of others. and to that end, seeing the worst that humanity has to offer can sometimes bring us to the pinnacle of such a realm. recent real world seasons, however, have introduced a new sort of worst. it's not only that i find no reason to respect what i am watching, but also that i've lost interest in why i feel that way, why they are the way they are, and why the television has not yet learned to interpret my inner preferences as highest priority, regardless of my fingers' paths on the remote.

maybe future seasons will be filmed in high definition. maybe that's the new real. i don't have large pockets of time that can be aimed at watching the tv, and it's discouraging to note that i have little control over my final choice of programming. i also don't know that i want to "see me starin' back at me". adam duritz did, but his guitar is nicer than mine.