donovan and prince

is it too much to ask for the yellow flowers in my back yard to bloom at the same time as the purple bush? they’ve already turned brown after 2 weeks of yellowness and the purple bush has now taken over as the focus of attention. but, like racial harmony, the two working together in sync still eludes mother nature. i’m finding that these little things bother me more than usual and that may be a symptom of a more general malaise that will go away once i decide on a couch for my living room. at least the narrator in my head thinks so.

oil is food

when gasoline becomes more costly than the johnnie walker that puts me to sleep every night (black label, because it matches my chairs), do i then need to make the switch?

because, truly, my car deserves a little scotch now and then. other than that back seat incident in miami a few years back...

mookie...is white

using nes footage to re-create history is genius. using rbi baseball...well, you had me at hello.

http://www.joystiq.com/2006/04/11/1986-world-series-re-enacted-in-rbi-baseball/

i <3 lawyers

one of my few regrets is that i didn't go to law school and thus can't make statements like this:

Alarm One Inc.'s lawyers say the spankings — with a competitor's yard sign — were done in fun to build camaraderie among the sales force and that there was no intent to hurt employees.

and this:

Alarm One's lawyers say Orlando voluntarily quit after five months at the company and that she was a willing participant in the spankings. They say the practice wasn't discriminatory because supervisors spanked both male and female employees.

let me just say that being a willing participant in spanking games (i.e. spanking pictionary) does in fact build camaraderie. unless you are the one who keeps yelling, "this is gay", and, "quit spanking me with your open palm". if you don't like it, don't wear speedos to the game. jeez.

dear april,

sometimes, it is simply enough to watch others react to the way that others react to life.

while i cannot be certain that my voice (and any extension of it) has become tired, it has occurred to me that the person most affected by such a happening would, in fact, be...me. so it was good to sit back and watch. good to listen and good to read. every now and again, there is value in taking the time to acquire what had previously been spent. that time has now passed, and the assumption (undoubtedly!) is that i am better because of it. it is not that i have again earned the right to re-distribute myself, but just that there should now be more of myself to re-distribute. it feels good to assume.

what all of this means, of course, is that i need to go to the beach. because sometimes, even in april, its really....fucking....hot outside. i also need to pick up my guitar again. plans to again alter the image of my wardrobe include this weekend, which is easy enough to accomplish. i'm moving, because i need more out of my walls. may already appears to be completely filled with colored items on an outlook calendar crying for less of the same. this upsets me. i don't feel bad for the calendar. that would be stupid. or maybe i do. april tends to bring out emotions like this, times when we feel for even an application within a box that sits on a desk or a lap or a four-star bar that used to allow cigar smoke.

it's good to hear from me again. i sound different in the box.

early impressions

most of my childhood memories have morphed with dreams and things that never happened to take up permanent residence in my mind. even so i’m fairly sure this happened in real life. around fifteen years ago a rather rotund man came to my school to perform some sort of show for the students. as it involved equipment for a sports display and he played to elementary schools for a living, he needed some children to be his roadies. i was, needless to say, among the select few picked. the actual show was unmemorable except for the playing of marky mark’s “good vibrations” during a demonstration where the man kept 4 basketballs spinning on himself at the same time. looking back i think that it was responsible for my never being able to love basketball quite the same as i did other sports. however, after the show (we had to help him clean up too) he took us around the back of the school and said he wanted to reward us for our hard work helping him. so he pulled out this beige tube like object from his pants. now, i know what you’re thinking, but you’re way off. it wasn’t a roll of dimes, but quarters! he threw them in the grass and we grabbed as much cash as we could to buy things like baseball cards, candy cigarettes, and bubble gum. what a day.

you know what i haven’t had in a while? big league chew.

guff catching

i caught some guff (i don’t know what that means either) from some colleagues today about my current ringtone, which happens to be the chorus of “big poppa”. but it’s not like they are even that old. one is thirty and the other is around thirty-three. i’m beginning to find that biggie is a real polarizer, with some immediately moving to the beat upon hearing it and others saying that it is embarrassing and does not accurately represent the struggles of my youth -- growing up in middle class suburbia. so even though i’m sure most of phlox’s readers (of which the 13-19 year old "tween" bracket is by far the largest—go figure) will choose musical wizards fall out boy or avril lavigne, i’m taking suggestions for a new ringtone that better defines t.price.

stick it

is everyone else as excited as i am about this behind-the-scenes look at the gripping world of competitive gymnastics? though it is sure to become a staple in the TBS “groundhog day”-esque inescapable circle of classic movie reruns, i believe i shall see it in the theatre to best experience the dolby surround grunting that my house so sorely lacks. *note to self, increase domestic grunting*

despicable

oh, now you’ve done it chi-o (that’s chi omega sorority for all you non greeks). you’ve gone and sullied the already-stellar names of both kent state and chi-Ho sorority, inc. you just had to present your “blackest member” award while an african american was within earshot of your event. you also had the “award” winner’s genius date explain to the media:

[my] date received the award because she was motherly and nurturing

for shame girls. but this does remind me of my time in the greek system when i was crowned “least asian” two years in a row.

free pamela

the tennessean is reporting that pamela rogers, one of the thousands of teachers caught defiling young students, is back in custody after violating her parole by writing blogs on myspace. here’s an excerpt allegedly written to a minor:

" 'My Plans are Your Plans....' 'Nothing's Changed....' 'Say it.....say it....' Always is the word, Baby, always. Listen to "Far Away" by Nickleback...."

i, for one, think she is innocent, as nickleback’s arrangements will kill any mood in seconds and chad kroeger’s hair will make even the most virile of men impotent. or so the legend goes.

joggle

finally, i’ve found a sport that combines my cat-like hand-eye coordination with my love of retarded ideas. joggling is right up my alley, and training starts immediately. i figure that the juggling is the hardest part and i’ve already mastered that, so the marathon should be a breeze (i already juggle with one hand while drinking with the other some days. if you name your balls technically it isn’t drinking alone).

the secret history

although i finished reading the secret history a while ago, i wanted to reread parts of it before judgement. this is not a mystery or suspense novel but more a study of the human condition and its ancient flaws. it is much better that way and, in the vein of franny and zooey, has found immediate favor with me.

the work can be divided into two halves; before and after becoming a murderer. The first part focuses on richard’s perception of his arrival at hampden college in new england. reliving the first semester at a new school through richard’s eyes was pleasant for me. the group of friends he eventually falls in with remind me of some of my own so i may be biased in that regard. but any classic scholar will undoubtedly find hints of their own kind in henry or camilla. tartt’s writing is crisp and erudite to match richard’s first perceptions of the other characters.

like so many things in college, killing takes on some sort of semi-real dream state, not evoking the proper emotional superlative in either direction. it’s almost as if a filter is over the college, blurring edges and casting doubt on senses. the absence of modern religion is a must, but morality is a different story. how much do actions weigh on consciences? is there ever a right thing to do? how much whiskey can you actually drink in one night when your good friend steals away your sister?

turn the page

i went to a new gym this morning. i was a little anxious but also excited to start this new chapter in my life. oh, i've not abandoned the old one. i still go to that on weekdays, but this one is closer to my house for the weekends. i know what you're thinking: "two gyms at the same time? how will he ever make that work? and what about the expense?" but, wow, this new gym is an upgrade. four times the cardio machines, twice the nautilus, twice the smith machines, four times the plasma televisions, and newer, un-spit-upon floors. the closest analogy i can think of is when you are dating someone but then meet someone even better looking with even better musical taste.

so i was the second one to arrive this morning and the TVs weren't on yet but the music video channel audio was playing. is it sad that i knew the video for "girlfriend" by pebbles and was picturing it in my head as i heard the song?

PA vs. 4th grade girls

an article about the freedom of fashion caught my eagle eye, and as the battle is in PA it hits close to home. ah, upper saint clair; many rungs above saint clair socially, and far superior to the leper colony which is lower saint clair. unbelievably, an elementary school is banning a ten year old girl from wearing a miniskirt to school. is this disruptive to the educational process? Apparently not, judging from zoe’s erudite statement to the press:

"My sign says, 'Style is Freedom,'" she said, "because freedom of expression is in the Constitution."

And though her sign is hard to see and looks like “freedom of xrsin” at first glance, it is clear from her craftsmanship and the priorities instilled upon her by her mother that she will no doubt be integral in leading the united states into the latter half of the twenty-first century.

knot tying

in response to chris’s impending marriage i will post light-heartedly about the improbable. my future wife’s silouette is slim and her profile elegant. she likes to play more than work. she is easily amused and excitable, enjoying simple pleasures. she is oh-so-subtle though, chooses words carefully, and reveals more with her smile than her tongue. she can turn men into boys. and i only see her when i drink absinthe. sigh.

different twain

it is my unhumble opinion that book learning and common sense are separate entities and assuming one based upon the other is fundamentally flawed. that is why i don’t understand harvard’s course on how to be happy. apparently this class meets twice a week to impart such non-scholarly wisdom on students as “don’t do what your parents want; instead do what you want and you’ll be happier in the end”. as groundbreaking as that is, it’s pointless to study. if you have to take notes or be tested on something to consider it worth knowing then you probably aren’t going to use the information in the right way even after you memorize it. this is also why i don’t understand duke university’s mandatory class “how not to assault strippers”.