wait, i meant paper. no, no, rock.

finally. progress in the american legal system.

and to think...all of those wasted years of mine, spent pushing for the legalization of caning. a little RPS truly does go a long way.

i should mention, however, that i once viewed a televised rock-paper-scissors event. perhaps it was a championship of some sort. probably the world. yes, it was the world championship. i'm sure of it. ok, a quick search yielded a series of results that are reported like so. regardless, there did (and probably still does) exist a man whose winning percentage was so statistically impossible, so dominant from a mathematical-to-psychological perspective, that he won the tournament nearly every year. with the new and inevitable shift to this sort of conflict resolution, what kind of power will a man like this have in the new america? the ability to harness perceived chance. i'll go out on a limb and say that i'll need a friend like that. and that i can give up my practice of canoodling with otherwise worthless columbia law students. if only those pretentious bitches knew...