the view from inside

it has occurred to me, though not as often as one may be inclined to assume, that a certain level of perception management is the simple and efficient solution to influencing levels of personal enjoyment. you see, i am mostly in favor of writing off, if you will, the majority of the world's population that has the scheduled occupation of connecting with me on one level or another. i am cynical, i am skeptical, and many times i simply despise the available offerings of those around me. extended to specific locations, events, and other such entities of interaction, i have come to expect very little of many connection strings containing my life as a node.

with that said, i return to my initial statement. because, through all of the disappointments that come from doing anything, there also exists a subset of emotions that drive me to want more from everything. i spent the past weekend with the ocean. i also hate most of what there is to know about new jersey. restrictions brought these two elements to a meeting point, however, and what i needed to know about the situation was this; that i need the ocean, in spite of the sacrifices necessary to bring it to me, and me to it. i need to feel certain things, at certain times, and this comes as a desire above and beyond the capabilities of limitation imposed by my deepest disappointments in the world around me. understand this, because it changes things. i am justified by it (as if justification were necessary). thank you, in advance.